Unless you’ve been living under a rock (or focusing exclusively on happy things!), you’ve likely heard the story of Ruby Franke, the former YouTube vlogger of 8 Passengers, and the horrific abuse she inflicted on her children with her co-conspirator, Jodi Hildebrandt. In 2023, images of her youngest son—covered in sores, with wrists and ankles wrapped in duct tape—made headlines around the world.
Two years later, Ruby’s eldest daughter, Shari Franke, published her memoir, The House of My Mother: A Daughter’s Quest for Freedom (2025). My daughter read it first and insisted I do too. On a long drive to bring her back to school, we listened to Shari recount her tormented childhood under a woman she could no longer call mother.
The book was heart-wrenching. During our drive along the New Jersey Turnpike, Shari shared a story from her therapy sessions. Her therapist asked if she had ever heard of a behavioral response to trauma called “The Fawn Response.” My ears perked up—I had never heard of it before. I was eager to learn more and share it.
What Is the Fawn Response?
Psychotherapist Pete Walker, M.A., MFT, who specializes in Complex-PTSD, identifies the Fawn Response as a defensive reaction to severe childhood trauma. It joins the classic trauma responses: Flight, Fight, and Freeze.
Fawn types unconsciously believe that the price of admission to any relationship is forfeiting all their needs, rights, preferences, and boundaries. Walker explains that those susceptible to the Fawn response often learn early in life that safety and attachment can only be gained by becoming compliant, helpful servants to their parents. Many were raised by a parent with narcissistic traits, leaving them feeling inadequate, selfish, and desperate for acknowledgment.
Healing from the Fawn Response
While one may never fully eliminate trauma responses, understanding the Fawn Response allows individuals to manage its impact, decreasing its frequency and intensity—especially when triggered. Therapy plays a crucial role in:
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Identifying and validating the trauma response
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Changing behaviors in response to triggers
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Learning to set healthy boundaries and reclaim personal power
Complex-PTSD and the Fawn Response are serious mental health diagnoses that require professional intervention. Coaches and mentors must recognize when a client needs more than guidance and refer them to trained mental health professionals.
Recovery is possible, but it requires honesty, patience, and self-care. There is no magic pill to erase trauma, but with commitment, survivors can live rich, fulfilling lives despite past horrors.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the Fawn Response and other trauma responses. Click the like button and leave a comment to share your experiences or insights!
Source: Pete Walker, M.A., Psychotherapy