A Personal Story of Change
Over a year ago, my husband and I decided to install solar panels on our roof. Exciting, forward-thinking, and fully aligned with our new lifestyle—we even got an EV.
The catch? We had to cut down a beautiful old oak tree in our front yard. I love trees. I grieved for that tree. But progress often comes with sacrifices.
Some neighbors were unhappy—not about the solar panels, but about the tree. The lane, lined with majestic trees, had been altered, and change can be uncomfortable.
Yet, over time, the animosity subsided. We moved forward. But I wondered: why was I able to embrace change while others resisted so strongly?
The Neighbor Who Couldn’t Move On
Our neighbor of nearly 30 years still lives in the same house. Despite their grown children living elsewhere, they haven’t relocated. Curious, I asked why.
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Response: “I haven’t found the right house yet.”
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Reality: Boxes of mementos from decades of life and career remain in the basement.
It wasn’t about the houses—it was about resisting change.
This person, whose life and career were built on change, now clings to the familiar, unable to let go.
Why We Hold Onto the Past
Psychologists explain that holding onto the past can serve several purposes:
Jennifer Delgado (Psychology Spot, 2019):
People hold on because:
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It feels like the key to happiness.
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It provides security and predictability.
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It gives meaning to our existence.
Dr. Carl Alasko (Psychology Today, 2012):
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Holding onto the past avoids personal responsibility.
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It allows blaming others or avoiding complexity:
“If I’m not in control, then I’m not responsible for what happens to me.”
The Psychology of Thriving Through Change
Some people navigate change successfully. Why?
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Research by Salvatore Maddi and Carl Horn (1974–2016) identified existential courage:
“An individual’s willingness to choose a path in life which accepts, even embraces, the prospect of psychological and social risks to grow and thrive.”
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Those who thrived didn’t dwell on why things happened. Instead, they asked:
“What can I do now that this has occurred?”
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Key lesson: Adaptation comes from action, not rumination.
The Lane as a Metaphor
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The thriving tree: sacrificed for solar panels, embracing innovation.
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The two dead trees: clung to as symbols of the past, resisting inevitable change.
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Life is a balance of risk, excitement, and fear, moving forward or holding back.
Reflection
Are you someone who holds onto the past, or someone who sees the possibilities ahead?
Change often requires:
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Courage to let go
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Acceptance of risk
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Focus on action over blame